


Especially Then

by BridgeToTheSky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, Happy is stupid FEEL, I can't believe this is my first Loki fanfic I was sure it'd be smutty and irredemable, Let's just forget this ever happened, Loki Feels, Loki fucks everything up, Loki is inevitable, Love, Maybe - Freeform, Oh the terrible angst, Poor Loki, Reincarnation, Romance, This is so sad even to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-07-22
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:32:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4397330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BridgeToTheSky/pseuds/BridgeToTheSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Especially when he is with you, and your head is resting on his chest, and the meadow smells strong of flowers and dirt. When he ruins it by remembering that everything ends, and that moment with you, too, shall end at some point. He robs himself of the joy by thinking of its eventual exit. </p><p>(Why does he do that? Loki’s obsessed. All things end and that means you and it can’t mean you — it just can’t. </p><p>Said him and every fool that has ever existed.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Especially Then

The people of Asgard don’t believe in reincarnation; Loki chooses to.

 

Especially when he is young and magic is novel, filling him with possibilities of what could and should and is. It is bright and warm, and the idea that things that unfortunately meet their ends too early are simply reborn in a new form to live out those possibilities, the ones they were robbed of, is like a balm to his optimism, thriving it.

 

( _When he is learning it with you, and his hands and yours itch with this amazing treasure you have found together._ )

 

Especially when he is a young lad and magic is not as novel anymore, but still an eternal companion. When he understands many basics and is beginning to learn many intermediates. Even when it explicit states that reincarnation is a fairytale thing, not something that happens, and never will.

 

(He chooses to believe anyway. _Why believe in magic if it is not limitless, forever?_

 

 _That’s what you say, and he chooses to believe you. Because he would never choose anyone else’s word over yours._ )

 

Especially when he is a grown man and a failed man, when he lets go and allows himself to fall into the endless void of space, the stars clouding him, making a spectacle, _laughing_ , probably, at his foolishness.

 

The first time he really, really thinks of his own death, and what it would mean. What would be lurking, waiting for him to cross the threshold of this world and into the next? Hands cold and spiny and fingers enclosing around his neck.

 

If there was anything at all.

 

( _When he sees your hand still stretched out to grab him, his name still on the edges of your screams, your tears leaving your eyes only to fall like him and soak into his clothes. Pieces of you forever._ )

 

Especially when he is with you, and your head is resting on his chest, and the meadow smells strong of flowers and dirt. When he ruins it by remembering that everything ends, and that moment with you, too, shall end at some point. He robs himself of the joy by thinking of its eventual exit.

 

( _Why does he do that? Loki’s obsessed. All things end and that means you and it can’t mean you — it just **can’t .** _

 

 _Said him and every fool that has ever existed._ )

 

Especially when the fires have died away, and you have died along with them. It is dark and you are still at his side. He is kneeling by you, your eyes no longer colored by the iridescence of your life — no color at _all_ , void of it all. Eyes, useless, because they will never look upon anything again.

 

( _it’s all his fault. He didn’t cause your death but he helped it come to pass and eons of I’m sorrys build up in his soul, and they never be enough. Never ever ever enough._

 

 _Your hand grows cold, and Loki is disgusted that his coaxing will never be enough to return your warmth …_ )

 

Especially when months, years, eons have passed and he realizes that he **_has_ ** to believe in reincarnation, that it isn’t all for nothing, that it isn’t the end and there will yet be another day.

 

( _He has to._

 

_There has to be some life where he doesn’t lose everything, where he doesn’t spoil everything. Gods, where you live._

 

_Maybe there is. Maybe there isn’t._

 

_Perhaps all his I’m sorrys will count one day._

 

 _And perhaps they won’t._ )


End file.
